Well I Crossed the Desert...

"You bitch and moan now but when you're taking a nice relaxing bubble bath later you'll be thanking me!"

It Ain't Easy Being Right

Listen, it is really great that you do not eat meat. It is good to know that something does not have to die because you want food. But please…you are more than just what your diet consists of. You are a whole human being! You like movies and music; you laugh at comedy and cry when others have to suffer. Live a little!

Being around a vegan kind of makes you feel like your spending time with a very religous person or someone trying to get you to buy into a pyramid scheme.

“Hey man, whats up?”
“Not much; you wanna grab a bite? Maybe at the local gril and tavern?”
“I do but hamburgers are made from baby cows hearts and mixed with the tears of their mothers.”
“Ok…lets…just get…like…ice cream.”
“Yaaaay! The product of rape!”
“Oh…how about like, peanuts? Are nuts okay? Do the shells cry when you crack them?”
“You are so insensitive to everything I feel, every second.”

It can wear a body down. Keep doing what you’re doing; I wish I could do it (sort of). Just take it down a notch. I’m sure bloggers were saying the same thing about Jesus when he blew up. You know he is cool and all but can be a bit preachy. I’m sure they wanted to just hang out sometimes or whatever but he would always start in with the “Love thy neighbor” stuff so they never really got a chance to know each other. And what happend to him? Do I have to remind you? Sure he is livin’ large now but he paid for it…bigtime. Do not turn this into a campaign built around your point of view. No one likes a Mr. Know It All or a lil’ Miss Sassy Susan. Like I said, keep it up but chill out…you little nerd.

It's Not Going to Stop

You know that feeling when you're doing a million things at once and it seems like each one of those million things is conspiring against you to break you down? I'm not even talking about major issues here, well I should say that it could be major issues but it doesn't have to be. Think about how annoying it is if while you're getting ready for work and you can't find something you need; sure it'll bother you but you're not going to kill anyone. However, while brushing your teeth you get a little toothpaste on your shirt--don't bother using water or water and soap or baby Jesus' tears to get that shit out because nothing will get it out besides a trip through the washing machine. If you've survived those two incidents, good for you but it ain't over yet. On the way out the door, you drop your keys while your hands are full...it's not going to stop.

I know I mentioned homeless people in the last post and I don't won't to turn this into a homeless people blog but I have to bring it up again. Today I saw a homeless woman lying on the ground using her bags as a pillow while she stared into space. It is hard to imagine what it would feel like to have nothing to look forward to. Think about it; if you literallyhad nothing to look forward to...it would be awful. So I walked by her and the fact that I walked through her sight of vision didn't seem to shake her up at all. I imagine that is hard to break someone's concentration when they have nothing to look forward to.

Where the Non-Believers Go Beyond Belief

I have about a 15 minute walk from my apartment to the 6 train on 68th Street in the morning and its the time of year that when I start walking, the weather feels just fine but by the time I get to the subway I am sweating. There is literally nothing I can do about this problem; no belief in any god will provide with me an answer or any kind of help. It is my cross to bear.

On my walk back from the train at the end of the day I walk by a building that used to be a church and now it looks like a bank of some kind. Everyday there is an older man on the front steps wearing a suit, a trench coat and a pair of Nikes. I get the feeling he used to work at that bank or he had some kind of job with money. He has the look of a crazy person (I mean he is wearing sneakers with a suit and he is not Larry David...I don't think) and he seems to be muttering quite a bit. Is he saying a prayer, trying to figure out where his keys to the bank went or is he on a Mexican radio...whoa oh...a Mexican radio....whoa oh. I won't get into the symbolism of a building that used to house some kind of church now being used as a home for our true god...MONEY!!! Even though by just mentioning it, I have already done so.

What I will say, is that if the meek shall inherit the Earth than it is going to be split a million ways between the million meek people living on the streets of New York. Whatever god you believe in, you better pray that you don't end up on the steps of a building dressed like a character from an HBO show playing a real person, playing a character from an HBO show playing a real person. Confused yet? Don't be. Just don't forget the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Here Ya Go!

"This year I want to be a jerk for Halloween!"

Have you seen that commerical for those low fat yougurts where the guy (husband) is talking on the phone with his male friend/buddy/pal? He keeps talking about how he is eating cheesecake and chocolate and other things like that while losing weight. Well it turns out he is talking about yougurt flavors. His wife walks into the kitchen and listens in on his conversation as she opens the door to their stupid fridge. She finally says something to the effect of "Uh, what are you doing?" She may have called him "Honey" or something and he sheepishly tells his friend he has to go. He should have said, "I'm on the fucking phone!?!? What are you doing?!?!"





But that ain't how you sell yogurt nowadays.





The guy from the Twilight movies needs to stop walking around looking like someone is pissing in his eyes.